Not your "Mother of the Year!"

I can't believe they even give that award. I mean, come on--how would you even judge that? But, in any case, all I know is I am not in the running; not even close. Today on the radio I heard that a man was arrested because he "may have caused a catastrophe." That was the name of the crime. I kid you not. I think that pretty much sums up my life over here. So, in honor of Mother's Day, I submit (some of) my motherhood bloopers/confessions as of late. (Please do not charge me with "may cause a catastrophe.")
-My child's favorite thing to do is suck on the wood floor. Seriously, I can't let him down on the ground because he will crawl off of the rug onto the wood floor and proceed to lick it. Gross.
-He also loves to pull the "leather" off of our love seat. We frequently find him holding handfuls of this "leather." The couch has a gaping hole on the armrest that I'm very embarrassed about and we have to cover with a blanket.
-Due to these escapades we have borrowed an exersaucer from a friend until we move in a couple weeks. I read that it is good for babies 4 mo. until they're walking, but he's so tall that I'm constantly worried it will tip over. No spills yet, but I doubt I'll buy one after our move because I really do think he's already too tall.
(It's 12:32 a.m. and he's awake again. His nickname Super Night Owl may stick after all)
-I'm raising an escape artist. He has learned how to dive out of his Bumbo chair and onto the floor, fortunately without major injury or any crying. Also, always use the carseat straps--even if the baby's just sitting on the floor in his seat, or you may come back into the room (after 30 seconds) and find that he has somehow bolted from his chair and is now licking the wood floor (see top bullet point).
-It's 12:53 and he is changed, fed, and hopefully falling back to sleep. But, after seeing him just now I am now reminded that earlier this evening we attempted to give him his first haircut. His new nickname may be Butch. Poor kid. It will grow back. (I keep repeating that to myself).
-Despite my protests, Carlos likes to feed him ice cream and/or popsicles. (very small amounts, promise!) He loves it. (And by "he" I mean both of them).
-I listen to talk radio when he's in the car with me. I know, I should have primary songs or other children's music, or at least talk to him. His first word will probably be Benghazi. Or Obama.
-Carlos sings Beach Boys songs to him. Or girls' camp songs. His favorite is "Baby Shark doot-doot-doodly doot." I'm sure the neighbors all appreciate that.
Here he is singing back to us...pre-hair catastrophe cut.

 Because all mothers of the year take photos of their babies sitting precariously on the edge of cement steps...

BUT he is adorable, happy, healthy, and clean. I give myself too much credit for all of that, I'm sure. I do know that more than anything in the world, I love being his mom. I LOVE THAT! And I need to go kiss those cheeks before I go to bed. Goodnight everyone. Happy Mother's Day.